Book Report: Stop Asking for Referrals

 

Almost all of Flor de Maria McNally’s business comes from referrals. The thing is, she’s never asked for one before. Using her background as a bartender to her advantage, Flor connects with her clients on a personal level and makes them feel known, remembered, and celebrated, so that they keep sending her referrals and coming back to her again and again, all unprompted. 

In Stop Asking for Referrals, Flor teaches us how to build a referral business by systemizing gift giving and creating happy clients who will do our marketing for us. But it’s not just about the process; it’s about the intention. 

“Over the years, I’ve learned that giving without expectation is where the real joy lives,” writes Flor. “When I think about my database, my events, my systems, and my communication, I don’t see a list of leads. I see a network of relationships I’m responsible for stewarding as well.”

In order to get where she is today, helping more than 120 families buy or sell each year in Ohio, Flor had to hire a coach that was right for her, lead with relationships, and create systems so she could run her referral business seamlessly. To build a referral business of your own, Flor shares details behind the why and how of her processes.  

Hire the Right Coach

When Flor first started in real estate, she was brand new to the industry. Before becoming an agent, she worked in hospitality. Also, she and her husband had six figures of debt and were young parents. So, she needed some guidance and structure to help her reach her goals. 

While she struggled at first to find the right coach, once she understood that coaching was not something that was done to her but something she was choosing with intention, she was able to find her perfect match. Flor writes that you should interview coaches and hire someone who matches your needs. Instead of fitting into a coach’s system, they should be helping you reach your potential in the way that works best for your life and personality. 

By making sure she found the right coach, Flor was able to push herself deeper into the things that mattered most. Her coach also helped her make other crucial hires, like a showing assistant, that allowed Flor’s business to take off. 

“For weeks, I had shared with her about how I wanted my business to scale and how I still wanted to have a strong family,” she writes about her coach. “Now, she was telling me I had to put my money where my mouth was. I could either keep making excuses about how this wasn’t the right time…or I could listen and maybe, just maybe, move several steps closer to winning at home and in business.”

Her coach removed her excuses, acted as an unbiased sounding board, and was a source of ongoing business planning. 

“Coaching is an investment, not an expense, and a good coach will pull apart the layers of your business to help you turn challenges into systems, people, or tools that actually work,” she writes. 

Put Relationships First

Above all else, this is Flor’s main mantra she shares in her book. By focusing on personalizing the relationships she has with her clients, she is able to do all of the other things that makes her business thrive. Because she had a background in bartending, those skills came naturally to her; she just had to hone them for real estate.

“At the restaurant, I might surprise a regular by having their favorite drink already sitting at the bar for them before they sat down,” she writes. “In real estate, I translated that instinct into client appreciation.”

Flor never liked the idea of asking for referrals. Instead, she wanted to build the rapport and trust that lead to referrals naturally. She says to focus on creating meaningful touchpoints that don’t feel like sales. 

“When you’re not willing to do the hard work of investing in the relationship, you feel like you have to ask for referrals,” Flor writes. “But if you’re willing to truly serve people, make them feel special, and go above and beyond, they will talk about you on their own.”

When Flor sends gifts to her clients, she focuses on them instead of her own branding. She makes personalized touches and gives gifts they will want to keep because they are meaningful to the client, not to Flor. Then, the clients do the marketing for her by posting about their experience on social media and referring her out to their friends and family. 

By leaning into relationships and remembering important aspects of her clients’ lives, she has been able to create genuine connections that are more effective for her life and business. She says that what moves those relationships into the business category is being consistent and systematic about the way we care for people. 

Create Systems 

Some people may think that systemizing relationships makes them less personal. Flor disagrees. She says there is a fine line between being hyper-relational with no systems or being business savvy and only analytical instead of people-driven. 

“The truth is that the more automated you become behind the scenes, the more personal you can be in front of your clients,” she writes. 

By creating step-by-step processes that her whole team follows and tracking information that is personal to each and every client, Flor provides a top-tier experience that is one-of-a-kind and runs on strategy instead of personality. 

The three systems she focuses on the most are for new clients, clients who move from searching to under contract, and throwing housewarming parties. 

“I don’t look at systems as rigid rules,” she writes. “I look at them as the scaffolding that holds everything together. Without that structure, the whole business wobbles. But with it, everything moves smoothly, predictably, and in a way that allows me to serve more people with less stress.”

Along with building a highly successful business, Flor is also building community. This community creates resilience when the market is weaker, because the relationships endure despite it. 

“In a community-driven business, you are no longer reintroducing yourself or re-earning credibility each time; you are building on something that already exists,” she writes. “When your business is rooted in real human connection, it is less vulnerable to external swings because it is supported by people who care about you, not just the service you provide.” 

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